evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
