Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
