So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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