and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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