Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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