Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
