She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
