In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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