I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
