I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let's get the cat blown out
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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