Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
