Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
