If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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