at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
