A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
