I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
