Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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