thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
