Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
