Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
