My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
