how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
