So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
