dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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