In the future we'll all be gay
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
