my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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