We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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