I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You've changed since you got that strap on
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
