you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
