i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
