please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
