First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
