Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
