he shaved USA in his pubs
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
