Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
