I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
