I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
a search helicopter?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
