I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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