No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
