Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
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