We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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