the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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