Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she peed on how many people?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
