Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
