This is not my ceiling
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
