I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
