I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
