God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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