scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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