I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
