Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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