even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the day after is always just damage control
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
