so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
