I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
